Thinking back about 5 years ago I will never imagine what my life will be like, but now I can tell life is a mystery and if anyone can say that they have everything under control or that they know how tomorrow will be they shouldn’t be so sure about it. I was sitting in the computer like I am now about 6 years ago, and I can still remember my desk. The arrangement of my documents, the little flower I used to put in my small desk. I remember feeling so proud thinking I am here because of my hard word and I deserve to be here. I will think a million thought but never that my life will change like 360 degrees. It’s just when you are too confident about yourself and you think nothing bad is going to happen is then when you find yourself in the middle of a crossroad.

I am here now in front of the computer again, not my desk and not my office. But first time after 5 years I am in an office desk. For the people around me is normal thing but for me is like waking up from a coma and trying to remember who I was and trying to find my way in this situation my life and my destiny has put me in.

Being and asylum seeker for about 4 years has put my life on hold. Can’t say I have done nothing because being a single mother of 2 boys is the hardest thing ever, but I have missed being me, I have missed for once I wanted to be all about me. And only now I am realising how much I liked my job and I much I liked to keep myself busy and make myself useful.

For the first time after so long I was given the opportunity to make myself useful and that is thanks to the snowdrop staff, the organisation has been a great support for me and my little family, and they can always find the way to make my life easier because I know I can have a place there where I can even go and have a coffee and chat and if I need anything they will make everything possible to help. It feels so good not feeling alone.

At the moment, I am volunteering in a toddler group and its great, everybody love it, the kids don’t want to go home and the moms have an opportunity to sit have a coffee and even play with their kids, and the kids can learn through playing and singing. My kids love to come and they enjoy every moment and I love seeing them smiling and playing. Oh still taking about my kids, can’t help it they are all I have and they are my life I don’t think I will still be alive without them. The other opportunity has been given me is teaching English of the Albanian ladies which are beginners, never been a teacher but just knowing that I am helping them through teaching I feel so good. I am enjoying every single class and when they tell me how they have improved I feel so proud, I feel how I used to feel years ago, I feel I am alive and living not just surviving.

Sitting here and realising who I used to be and how much I have change and grow. Has make me realize how strong I am and I didn’t even know I had this strength in me. And I am sure that’s not only in me but every women inside her have this strength is just some of them don’t realise and some of them will learn the hard way how strong they can be in my case, fighting my asylum case for about 4 years having my life on hold and being insecure every single day is just so depressing sometime but when I see my kids and they are healthy and happy, and I see people around me helping me and actually thinking about me like and expiree women that can change your life and can change your day, and can change the way you see yourself, it has definitely changed me a lot.

And I don’t know what my life will be and don’t know what will happen, but I am sure I have got around me the great people they will help me out and I also have my kids for giving me a reason for everything, and I also have myself I will get more stronger with the time and I get do it I am not perfect but I can do it like me every women can, each of them are special and each of them have something to give they just need to figure it out in some point in their life.

And I don’t know what my life will be and don’t know what will happen, but I am sure I have got around me the great people they will help me out and I also have my kids for giving me a reason for everything, and I also have myself I will get more stronger with the time and I get do it I am not perfect but I can do it like me every women can, each of them are special and each of them have something to give they just need to figure it out in some point in their life.

*not her real name.

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